Be Authentic and Genuine
The first part of loving someone, including our kids, is remaining authentic and genuine. When we talk to our kids, if we put on a different persona or pretend to be something we’re not, they will see right through it. For older kids, it can feel like a slap in the face. So when we talk with our kids we do so how we would with anyone else, as our real, genuine selves.
First, Calm Down
We’ve all been there when we’re running to the grocery store and our son’s hands are touching everything on the shelf, even after telling him to keep his hands down over, and over. Remember, getting angry at your kids doesn’t mean that you don’t love them. In these moments it’s important to take a step back and let ourselves calm down. Yelling at our kids won’t help anyone. Count to 10 and take deep breaths with each count, then talk to your child.
Consider Their Perspective
Every situation will look different, which is why it’s so important that we take the time to consider our child’s perspective. What might they be feeling? What was their motivation? Do they think they were right? Once we have these questions in our head we can talk through them with our child. Creating more of a conversation than a lecture. Remember that their brains, emotions and decision-making skills are not fully developed.
Ask Questions
It’s easy to start talking to our kids about what they’ve done wrong and just keep talking. But the simple fact is, they usually know what it is they did that was wrong. They don’t need you to tell them, they need you to open a conversation. We can use the previous questions as a baseline and expand based on how they answer them. Process what’s wrong together.
Constructive Corrections
At this point it may be clear, but this type of parenting creates a conversation and an opportunity for learning, rather than a strict punishment. For many kids today they learn more when they are treated with respect and maturity through an open conversation.
Love Them Unconditionally
We should strive to love our children the way God loves us: unconditionally. Show them love all the time. Not just when they are really good. Tell them they are still loved when they are in trouble. Hug them when they need to be yelled at. It can be easy to slip into rewarding good behavior and punishing bad. But that teaches kids that you only love them when they are perfect. Let them know you love them no matter what.
Every child is different, and will need different approaches to parenting. At the end of the day, the most important thing we can do for our kids is to show them how much they are loved.
Not a member?
Join for FREE!
Enjoy encouraging, motivating, uplifting content created just for women like you, all from the health care name you trust: Franciscan Health.
